Everyone's talking about cricket at the moment - Clive Cricket certainly is - but why get all het up about it? Its only a game.
I never told anyone about this at the time, but before the Ashes series I had an odd dream. A musical dream, where the most sublime tune was mixed with the lyrics: "Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy..". You can see why I thought the Big Bopper would top score in that series then, but why would God speak to me in a dream to reveal the top run scorer in the Ashes? Why indeed! Its only a game..
An interesting fact: Graham Onions' nickname is "the President". He doesn't look like Barrack Obama.. Oh no! Its Ahmadinejad! What a cultured bunch these sportspeople are!
But enough of the Summer Game.. I have something important to talk to you about. Everyone is talking about objectifying women at the moment (they aren't talking about cricket at all).. but perhaps there's a more serious issue keeping up the Great Leaders of the Free World. I have been reliably informed that Nicholas Sarcozy deeply objects to the womanifying of objects. La chaise.. La Zouloue.. L'ablutions.. Soon this fellow is going to ban the gender of all french nouns! No smoking inside and only one word for 'the'? Soon the French will be just as civilised as the rest of us.
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English was good enough for Jesus. Why does Nicholas have to mess with what he doesn't understand? Or perhaps god's earth isn't good enough for him and Carla to walk their dog in?!?
ReplyDeleteI've never seen Graham wearing an anorak, but by golly! He certainly bowls wicket to wicket! Cricket is the one thing the british couldn't force onto Iran. By Jove! It's a fiddly game!
ReplyDeleteThe real question is: will Gordon brown successfully win the next election? I'm not sure about this Cameron fellow; I've written to him with some ideas I have about tank design; but I don't know... He's full of all this modern stuff: make sure the turrets get plenty of moonlight, and never declare war on a Wednesday. Oh well! Not like the old days, eh?!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, listen to me, old chap, good grief! What I meant to ask you was: why, oh why can't you buy camp coffee anymore?
Kind regards!
Try sprinking a bit of parsley on your breakfast cereal. Whomp that in yuh Chomper!
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