Graham Onions and Nicholas Sarcozy

Everyone's talking about cricket at the moment - Clive Cricket certainly is - but why get all het up about it? Its only a game.

I never told anyone about this at the time, but before the Ashes series I had an odd dream. A musical dream, where the most sublime tune was mixed with the lyrics: "Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy..". You can see why I thought the Big Bopper would top score in that series then, but why would God speak to me in a dream to reveal the top run scorer in the Ashes? Why indeed! Its only a game..

An interesting fact: Graham Onions' nickname is "the President". He doesn't look like Barrack Obama.. Oh no! Its Ahmadinejad! What a cultured bunch these sportspeople are!


But enough of the Summer Game.. I have something important to talk to you about. Everyone is talking about objectifying women at the moment (they aren't talking about cricket at all).. but perhaps there's a more serious issue keeping up the Great Leaders of the Free World. I have been reliably informed that Nicholas Sarcozy deeply objects to the womanifying of objects. La chaise.. La Zouloue.. L'ablutions.. Soon this fellow is going to ban the gender of all french nouns! No smoking inside and only one word for 'the'? Soon the French will be just as civilised as the rest of us.

Calm down!

Good lord!

There's been no post on this site for some time - but who cares?! Why oh why do I have to put up with scores of begging, pleading letters and emails?

"What's the big deal, Cap? Why don't you post no more? I'm-a-comina get you!
Regards,
Silvio
"

"Following your blog used to get me out of bed in the morning. Now its more dull than test cricket. If you don't post soon I shall withdraw my custom!
Chris Gayle
"

"Sixpence for the lady!
Yours sincerely,
Madison Avenue
"

The fact of the matter is there has been no news worth commenting on. England won the Ashes? Big deal! I could go on.. but that's the only newsworthy story I can think of.. ..August - its a slow month!