Sarcozy's silver toungue

Sarcozy: Darling, do you know what you are?

Bruni: No, dearest?

Sarcozy: Cassoulet

Bruni: And why is that, mon cher?

Sarcozy: Because you're the national dish!

Now.. I'm not privy to all of the goings on in France - but if I had to bet on one saucy exchange having taken place between the President of France and his other half, this would be it. What a smooth talker he is!

Berlin remembers the Berlin Wall (and that it was a wall in Berlin)

Most people in Berlin had forgotten about the Berlin wall, but there was one man who was brave enough to remember it.

"Chaps, do you recall the wall that used to encircle half of Berlin?" he said

"Oh yeah.. that was weird.. what the fuck was all that about? I thought that was a fucking dream or something.. why the fuck was there a wall there? fucking hell.. weird!" the Germans said.

Anyway, now they're having a big party to celebrate the fact they've all remembered it. This is typical German hyperbole. I don't dance up the street naked shouting "Eureka" every time I find my reading glasses. But the average German would - and that's why we won the war.

Dann sind wir Helden

Zing! Ping! Wing!

That's the way a sensationalist would start his blog post - but not me - oh no.. I'm in this business for the public good - not for my 15 minutes of fame. Gordon Brown, despite his many qualities is the total opposite. Always pestering me to go for a walk with him down Oxford street with us both dressed in brown suits. He wants to bathe in my reflected glory. Sometimes he says I should go in a pink suit and we could take part in a game of Human Snooker. Don't worry, dear reader; he's only joking, of course.

News from The Right

So the Czechs have signed some treaty or other.. Dave is furious and so are his mates. But why? Let me explain: As you know.. right wing beliefs are a bi-product of sleep deprivation. Margaret Thatcher slept for 3 hours a night - but why isn't DC getting his normal 10 hours kip?

Here's the thing.. Have you seen the new expense allowances for MPs? These Collusa of the World stage have been quite coy about what they're allowed now, but I've got the list exclusively here. So, the allowance for one week:

4 first class stamps,

7 Boot's meal deals,

Hire purchase payments for a Ford Cortina,

One bicycle,

Food for one pet (no larger than a fox),

14 tea bags,

A small jar of instant coffee

Need I say more.. 2 cups of tea a day and a small jar of instant coffee a week! He's jittery and irritable. Not to mention the midnight toilet breaks! Good Lord!

Norway's gift to the world

Why the Devil are all these people moaning about Barrack Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize? Complaints seem mainly to centre around the fact he's only been in office for a few months.. but Good Lord! Don't these people realise? Every year our World Leaders get better and better! Striding across the world stage! We aren't talking about some tinpot Harry Trueman, or LBJ.. We're talking about a true colossus of the free world! And if he hasn't secured peace in our time.. so what?! Its only a matter of time. I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know is that the past will pale in comparison, and we've our Glorious Leaders to thank.

Big Dave's evolving musical tastes

As a young man, Boris Johnson was a member of a tribute band of The Eagles. It was called The Swan. At the same time Davi Cameron formed a tribute band of BoJo's band - called 'Plumage'. Of course, as an aspiring World leader, Cameron listens to nothing but Bartok and Stravinsky now.. But it's an interesting tutbit, nonetheless.

Cameron / Macaroon

Osbourne unveils gay tax plan! Ah no.. Osbourne unveils pay and tax plans. Still.. what a bombshell.. The Tories aren't going to tax that particular lifestyle choice; they're going to tax everyone equally. Its part of Cameron's plan to make us all a bit miserable in the period between the financial stimulus being rolled back and the economy slipping into a depression. Clever chap this Cameron! Even if he does have a face like a suet pudding.