Norway's gift to the world

Why the Devil are all these people moaning about Barrack Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize? Complaints seem mainly to centre around the fact he's only been in office for a few months.. but Good Lord! Don't these people realise? Every year our World Leaders get better and better! Striding across the world stage! We aren't talking about some tinpot Harry Trueman, or LBJ.. We're talking about a true colossus of the free world! And if he hasn't secured peace in our time.. so what?! Its only a matter of time. I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know is that the past will pale in comparison, and we've our Glorious Leaders to thank.

Big Dave's evolving musical tastes

As a young man, Boris Johnson was a member of a tribute band of The Eagles. It was called The Swan. At the same time Davi Cameron formed a tribute band of BoJo's band - called 'Plumage'. Of course, as an aspiring World leader, Cameron listens to nothing but Bartok and Stravinsky now.. But it's an interesting tutbit, nonetheless.

Cameron / Macaroon

Osbourne unveils gay tax plan! Ah no.. Osbourne unveils pay and tax plans. Still.. what a bombshell.. The Tories aren't going to tax that particular lifestyle choice; they're going to tax everyone equally. Its part of Cameron's plan to make us all a bit miserable in the period between the financial stimulus being rolled back and the economy slipping into a depression. Clever chap this Cameron! Even if he does have a face like a suet pudding.

Graham Onions and Nicholas Sarcozy

Everyone's talking about cricket at the moment - Clive Cricket certainly is - but why get all het up about it? Its only a game.

I never told anyone about this at the time, but before the Ashes series I had an odd dream. A musical dream, where the most sublime tune was mixed with the lyrics: "Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy.. Ravi.. Bappy..". You can see why I thought the Big Bopper would top score in that series then, but why would God speak to me in a dream to reveal the top run scorer in the Ashes? Why indeed! Its only a game..

An interesting fact: Graham Onions' nickname is "the President". He doesn't look like Barrack Obama.. Oh no! Its Ahmadinejad! What a cultured bunch these sportspeople are!


But enough of the Summer Game.. I have something important to talk to you about. Everyone is talking about objectifying women at the moment (they aren't talking about cricket at all).. but perhaps there's a more serious issue keeping up the Great Leaders of the Free World. I have been reliably informed that Nicholas Sarcozy deeply objects to the womanifying of objects. La chaise.. La Zouloue.. L'ablutions.. Soon this fellow is going to ban the gender of all french nouns! No smoking inside and only one word for 'the'? Soon the French will be just as civilised as the rest of us.

Calm down!

Good lord!

There's been no post on this site for some time - but who cares?! Why oh why do I have to put up with scores of begging, pleading letters and emails?

"What's the big deal, Cap? Why don't you post no more? I'm-a-comina get you!
Regards,
Silvio
"

"Following your blog used to get me out of bed in the morning. Now its more dull than test cricket. If you don't post soon I shall withdraw my custom!
Chris Gayle
"

"Sixpence for the lady!
Yours sincerely,
Madison Avenue
"

The fact of the matter is there has been no news worth commenting on. England won the Ashes? Big deal! I could go on.. but that's the only newsworthy story I can think of.. ..August - its a slow month!

Bernard Madoff vs. the Animal Kingdom

So.. Bernie Madoff is getting 150 years in the clink.. why not life? Well now.. there are several reasons - not least of which is to serve as a deterrent for other offenders. Imagine it! 100 years in jail after he dies.. who wants to rob their investors now?

We shouldn't get too worked up about Madoff though; he only stole money. Mostly from people who could easily afford it. To my mind, the greatest criminals are found in the animal kingdom: only today I saw a cat walking along with a dead mouse in its mouth.. and drakes! Drakes are notorious rapists. Each generation of ducklings is born into an endless cycle of abuse. Come to think of it, cats have barbed penises, as well - and don't get me started on blue whales.. they eat millions of plankton every day! Do you believe every animal has a soul? Kill those whale!

I seem to have wandered off piste.. what I'm trying to say is: Lots of pretty powerful people think that the English are the most evil race in the world; Isn't it time we all took a look at ourselves and stopped beating on Bernie Madoff?

One reason Silvio Berlosconi hates country music

"I'll never get out of this world alive", so sang Hank Williams. And he should know! He was dead by the time the song released - gone white in the back of a car from a morphine/alcohol overdose. I wonder if Berlosconi suffers the same fear. You can't cheat death, Silvio!